please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
