are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
