If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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