Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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