Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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