I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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