Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
