Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
