Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
