he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
