Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
