i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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