she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
