Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
