fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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