I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
