I wish my penis had an off switch
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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