Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
