where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Can Purell be used as lube?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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