Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
