Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Randomize
