working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
