How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
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Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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