he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
