so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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