Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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