she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
