my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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