You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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