great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize