No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
