Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
