Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
