I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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