areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
