does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
