My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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