ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
