real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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