i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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