That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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