dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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