she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
