Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
