I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
