hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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