these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
