I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just blew my weed a kiss
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
