I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize