The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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