I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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