I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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