I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
