some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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