Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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