the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
