I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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