I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
