drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
