Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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