I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
