Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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