Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
