He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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