You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
