Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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