Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
