so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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