Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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